he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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