I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
