You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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