I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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