Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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