Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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