me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
