pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
