Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
