I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
