Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
