I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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