Im at strip club and am horny
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This house was built for laser tag.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
