HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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