Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
