my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
