broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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