i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
