First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
