Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
