yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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