I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
