yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
