somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
