he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
