I just made out with a guy for $7.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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