Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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