38 yer olds are good kisserssss
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
