I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am mentally ready for anal.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
