I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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