The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
