please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
