The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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