And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
