It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm both gender and math confused
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
