I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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