Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
