Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
