yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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