im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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