i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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