My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
