we're chasing vodka with high fives
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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