made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The air taste purple.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
