i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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