thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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