My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
