apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
