i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
