nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
